J. Jasper Theramungo
B 1/2 Wickerstone Lane
Upper Insmouth
Greater Britain

My DEAREST J.J.,

Oh dear, oh dear! I am in SUCH a pickle! Do send word if you can lend me an ounce of your good sense and common advise over cable or by pigeon?

Tut tut,

Gatsby

Dearest friend of my heart,

But of course my council is yours! You needn’t even BEG permission to bend my considerable ear – merely query me with what concerns you, and my best summation is yours for the application.

Fondest cares,

J.J. Theramungo

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To: Gatsby

Sender’s Whereabouts: Closer than you think…

Missster Gatsby,

We hear you have rekindled waylaid plans to picnic on the moon. Let us assure you that any such plans are FOOLISH and FOOLHARDY. Esssspecially if they include advice or help from THERAMUNGO.

You haven’t heard from THERAMUNGO recently, have you?

WE THOUGHT NOT.

Watch your step, kind sir. Watch your sssstep.

Signed,

“Finch”

Lady Hibiscus T. Porridge
888 Berrybrook Way
Republic of Plimko

Dearest H.P.,

I was just cataloguing my memoirs (you know, that silly little project of mine?) and was recalling that lovely summer we spent back at St. Olaf’s back in ‘12. Oh dearest, do you think me silly to invite you along on a little weekend jaunt I have planned a mere week from now? You recall our earlier date for a picnic on the MOON? Well, I think the time has come that we explore the idea of a mature love in just that very locale! Let me entice you yet again with the spread:

• 1 Italian Loaf (crusty-type)
• 3 pots of Jam (Strawberry, Plum and Blue)
• Jicama and other crudités (FRESH!)
• And assortment of savory pies (some with Ham)
• Buffalo Wings (with Caviar-chevre-cilantro dipping sauce)
• Limonade (corked!)
• Port and Sherry (3 kinds each!)

DO say yes! I have already begun to gather the pheasants for the wings, and you KNOW how troublesome plucking all those feathers is!

DO say yes – the craters are lovely this time of year…

Pip and Tut,

Gatsby

To: GB

From:

Pliny (the Younger)
LXVII Oysterbath Way
Lower Triumphia
BCBG81

Do please release my hendecasyllables from their promise – they were guarantors to our friends for the apperance of your work, and every day brings in some new request and demand; so they now run the risk of being served with a writ to produce it. I know I am very slow to publish my own work, but you overdo even my doubts and hesitations. So bestir yourself, or else beware lest I drag those books out of you by the fury of my iambics, since my hendcasyllables failed to entice them with honeyed words! The work is already finished and perfect; revision will not give them further polish but only dull its freshness.

Please let me see your name published and hear that my friend’s books are being copied, read and sold. In view of our warm friendship, it is only fair that you should let me have the same pleasure from you as you enjoy in me.

Perturbed,

Pliny (the Younger)

Perturbed,

Pliny (the Younger)

My DEAR Pliny,

I’d rather appreciate if you refrain from sending these “helpful reminders” re: my memoirs. It is already quite difficult to produce a work of Quality and Substance with my rotten editor breathing down my neck (foul woman, quite unplesant and crass!), so I’d thank you to keep your trips of guilt and whimsy to yourself, thank you very much!

Adieu!

GB

P.S. Bridge on Tuesday? You bring the crusty loaves, this time!

TO: MR. GB
FROM: DUKE WILLIAM TENDERTOES

Dearest Sir,

It was never my intention to have to write such an unseemly and unsavory a note, but the events of the past few days has forced my noble hand to act.

I attempted to assuage your desire for my Ward and Charge, Lady Featherbottom, when it became quite clear that you showed interest. However, I had underestimated the sway of Young Love, and my tactics were not bold enough to put forth a defense for your most gentlemanly affections.

You see, chap, the Lady is promised to another suitor – the venerable Sir William Plumenom. The pair were betrothed

Sir William Plumenom

whilst still in the nest, and his family is Most respectible in the line of shipping and recieving hazlenut imports. Your “love” – if one can call it that – simply cannot be.

It is most regretable that you had to find out in such a coarse and cruel fashion, but I sincerely hope you bear the La

dy no Ill Will. She is young, sir, and we both know ladies as protected and immature as she are not always aware of the sway they hold over us gents.

The pair are in my charge, and will be married in a mere week. The reception is at The Hall, should you feel so inclined to pay your resepects.

Best of luck to you in your amourous adventures,

Sir William Tendertoes III

P.S. I have enclosed one strand of paste-pearls you left behind the other eve.