My beloved little neighborhood is in an uproar lately! First those foul puffins, then the accursed YOUTH ruin my picnic, and now the lovely old gent from around the bend is DEVOURED at a local park. Witness:

Unconscionable!

I am told the family is preparing the wake as I write, so you can pay your respects at 4059 Cherrybranch Lane after 12pm tomorrow. Cakes, crusty loaves, and remaindered fried chicken would all be appropriate gifts.

R.I.P. Hector Pidgewidge, a gentleman and the finest chicken-eater I ever knew.